"Approval comes and goes, ultimately we have to live with what we think of ourselves (Robbins)"
I heard this quote some months ago, and it got me thinking about certain concepts, many of which are inter-related: internal vs. external validation, self-esteem, self fulfilling prophecies, and then acknowledgement, which is different to the others. Acknowledgement is linked to gratitude, a very powerful energy, one that can grant access to great things. Acknowledgment, together with gratitude, are important for the processes of both the giver and receiver. Just as we all need to be acknoweledged, so too should we acknowledge others.
There is such importance with being confident within ourselves, believing in ourselves, and having internal validation. We should not need to rely on what other people might think of us. As the opening quote suggests, ultimately we have to hold ourselves in high esteem, as external approval will not necessarily be a constant, and therefore we should not rely on it. Building true inner confidence, and having a great sense of self worth will stand one in good stead when facing life's many challenges.
With all the self-help books and seminars on availibility nowadays, one would think that we would all be self-actualised, almost perfect people. BUT we all suffer from a serious ailment- it's called 'being human'. Wow, I feel better now that i got that out. I'm human. You're human. And we all need acknowledgment, all in different shapes and forms. Don't hold back- acknowledge those around you. Make them feel worthy. Every human being on this planet has what to offer, and it is our challenge to have an 'Ayin Tov', a good eye, to be able to both see, and acknowledge an individuals specialty.
I found this great excerpt on acknowledgement that I'd like to share. It is not from a Jewish source, however these ideas are all based in Judaism, and acknowledgement is directly linked to the theme of this blog, that of gratitude.
The 7 Principles of Acknowledgment
1. The world is full of people who deserve to be acknowledged.
It will be easier to acknowledge those you care most about if you start by practicing your acknowledgment skills on people you don’t know very well, or even know at all. Then you will begin making the world a happier place.
2.Acknowledgement builds intimacy and creates powerful interactions.
Acknowledge the people around you directly and fully, especially those with whom you are in an intimate relationship. What is it about your spouse, your daughter, your uncle, your oldest colleague or subordinate that you want to acknowledge? Look for ways to say how much you value them, and then be prepared for miracles!
3.Acknowledgment neutralizes, defuses, deactivates and reduces the effect of jealousy and envy!
Acknowledge those you are jealous of, for the very attributes you envy. Watch the envy diminish and the relationship grow stronger as you grow to accept valuable input from the person you were envying.
4.Recognizing good work leads to high energy, great feelings, high-quality performance and terrific results. Not acknowledging good work causes lethargy, resentment, sorrow and withdrawal.
Recognize and acknowledge good work, wherever you find it. It’s not true that people only work hard if they worry whether you value them. Quite the opposite!
5.Truthful, heartfelt and deserved acknowledgment always makes a difference, sometimes a profound one, in a person’s life and work.
Rarely given acknowledgements have no more value than frequent ones. Sincere praise should not be withheld due to fear of diminishing returns, of appearing inappropriate or out of embarrassment. These obstacles can and should be overcome in order for you and your recipients to reap the tremendous rewards.
6.It is likely that acknowledgment can improve the emotional and physical health of both the giver and the receiver.
There is already substantial scientific evidence that gratitude and forgiveness help well-being, alertness and energy, diminish stress and feelings of negativity, actually boosting the immune system. It is reported that they can even reduce the risk of stroke and heart failure. This research leads us to believe that acknowledging others has similar effects.
7.Practice different ways of getting through to the people you want to acknowledge.
Develop an acknowledgment repertoire that will give you the tools to reach out to the people in your life in the different ways that will be the most meaningful to each situation and each person.
* The 7 Principles of Acknowledgement are an excerpt from The Power of Acknowledgment, by Judith W. Umlas. ©2006 IIL Publishing, New York.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Bringing light into this world
"The darkness of the whole world cannot swallow the glowing of a candle. ~Robert Altinger"
Chanukah, the Jewish festival of lights, is an 8 day festival commencing on the 25th of the Jewish month of Kislev. We light the traditional menorah, also known as the Chanukiah. Tonight is the 2nd night of Chanukah, where we have lit the second branch on the menorah.
This brings me to the theme of today's posting. Light. Think of light. Think of light in whatever representation it comes to you in, be it in stars, fire, positive energy, mitzvot (commandments), the sun, anything. In today's times, while we have no shortage of physical light, many people live in spiritual darkness, and have unfortuntaely lost their ways. This saddens me tremendously.
Two incidents the other day that I was witness to, illustrate the lack of Derech Eretz, loosely translated as common courtesy, that people show towards one another. I was in a store in an upmarket outdoor mall, waiting for the shop assistant to help me with something. While I was frustrated at the lack of service that I was receiving, I tried to distinguish between the woman and the issue. She is human and has feelings. I need to treat her with 'Derech Eretz'. During my wait I was able to witness two different encounters between 2 separate customers and various shop assistants. You see, I was in a cellphone store, so this makes it a VERY personal issue, knowing how many people are highly addicted to their cellphones these days. so the first incident, was that a young lady came in, looking all annoyed that she had to be there. She had either lost or had her cellphone stolen. The contract for the cellphone was signed in her brother's name. She had called ahead to make sure that she did not need him to be present, and to find out what else she needed to start the process for a new cellphone to be issued. Basically, the crux is that when she arrived at the store, she discovered she had been misinformed about the necessary documents she needed to have with her, and importantly she needed to have her brother present to sign the new documents. Now, yes, it is indeed frustrating to be misinformed, and to receive poor service, but her reaction is what made things worse. She screamed and shouted at every shop assistant she could see. She pointed fingers and made eveyone feel badly. She made it so clear that she was 'better than all of them', and patronised them until the end. I could see that the first shop assistant that dealt with her initially was also fairly inexperienced. Her behaviour was atrocious, in simple terms.
The point is that sometimes we will get bad service, sometimes we will get misinformed, and yes sometimes our time (yes, our precious time) will be wasted. But remember, its how you react that is the true test. The person, the service provider, who gets the brunt of your anger, will feel inferior and looked down on, and you might feel arrogant for a while. But you don't achieve anything like this. Arrogance deflates. Being embarrassed sticks with you. But keeping your cool and treating the person across from you like a human, has everlasting effects for everyone involved. Catch you breath. And most importantly, remember to say thank you.
The second incident shocked me even more, being that I myself am a mother to a 16 month old, and I realise how impressionable kids are. Children learn from their prime example- their parents. There were two young girls there, probably in their late teens, trying to get something sorted out with their cellphones. Now I don't know what happened before to bring in such a response, but the next minute, their mother stormed into the store, and hissed words at them that I dare repeat. It was something along the lines of "YOU F****** LITTLE B*****'S, you can find your own ways home. To clarify, this was the MOTHER talking to her CHILDREN as such, in PUBLIC. Need I say more.
The point is that sadly, people have lost their way. If people cannot learn from their parents how to talk to other people, if people's own parents can talk to them us such, what hope do they have of treating others, outside their immediate circle, with any form of respect.
Please, if you are reading this, continue to shine your light and good values to this dark world in which we live. If you have manners, please teach them to your children. Treat you children like you would want them to treat the rest of the world. Have Derech Eretz, and please be a mensch.
Chanukah Sameach!
Chanukah, the Jewish festival of lights, is an 8 day festival commencing on the 25th of the Jewish month of Kislev. We light the traditional menorah, also known as the Chanukiah. Tonight is the 2nd night of Chanukah, where we have lit the second branch on the menorah.
This brings me to the theme of today's posting. Light. Think of light. Think of light in whatever representation it comes to you in, be it in stars, fire, positive energy, mitzvot (commandments), the sun, anything. In today's times, while we have no shortage of physical light, many people live in spiritual darkness, and have unfortuntaely lost their ways. This saddens me tremendously.
Two incidents the other day that I was witness to, illustrate the lack of Derech Eretz, loosely translated as common courtesy, that people show towards one another. I was in a store in an upmarket outdoor mall, waiting for the shop assistant to help me with something. While I was frustrated at the lack of service that I was receiving, I tried to distinguish between the woman and the issue. She is human and has feelings. I need to treat her with 'Derech Eretz'. During my wait I was able to witness two different encounters between 2 separate customers and various shop assistants. You see, I was in a cellphone store, so this makes it a VERY personal issue, knowing how many people are highly addicted to their cellphones these days. so the first incident, was that a young lady came in, looking all annoyed that she had to be there. She had either lost or had her cellphone stolen. The contract for the cellphone was signed in her brother's name. She had called ahead to make sure that she did not need him to be present, and to find out what else she needed to start the process for a new cellphone to be issued. Basically, the crux is that when she arrived at the store, she discovered she had been misinformed about the necessary documents she needed to have with her, and importantly she needed to have her brother present to sign the new documents. Now, yes, it is indeed frustrating to be misinformed, and to receive poor service, but her reaction is what made things worse. She screamed and shouted at every shop assistant she could see. She pointed fingers and made eveyone feel badly. She made it so clear that she was 'better than all of them', and patronised them until the end. I could see that the first shop assistant that dealt with her initially was also fairly inexperienced. Her behaviour was atrocious, in simple terms.
The point is that sometimes we will get bad service, sometimes we will get misinformed, and yes sometimes our time (yes, our precious time) will be wasted. But remember, its how you react that is the true test. The person, the service provider, who gets the brunt of your anger, will feel inferior and looked down on, and you might feel arrogant for a while. But you don't achieve anything like this. Arrogance deflates. Being embarrassed sticks with you. But keeping your cool and treating the person across from you like a human, has everlasting effects for everyone involved. Catch you breath. And most importantly, remember to say thank you.
The second incident shocked me even more, being that I myself am a mother to a 16 month old, and I realise how impressionable kids are. Children learn from their prime example- their parents. There were two young girls there, probably in their late teens, trying to get something sorted out with their cellphones. Now I don't know what happened before to bring in such a response, but the next minute, their mother stormed into the store, and hissed words at them that I dare repeat. It was something along the lines of "YOU F****** LITTLE B*****'S, you can find your own ways home. To clarify, this was the MOTHER talking to her CHILDREN as such, in PUBLIC. Need I say more.
The point is that sadly, people have lost their way. If people cannot learn from their parents how to talk to other people, if people's own parents can talk to them us such, what hope do they have of treating others, outside their immediate circle, with any form of respect.
Please, if you are reading this, continue to shine your light and good values to this dark world in which we live. If you have manners, please teach them to your children. Treat you children like you would want them to treat the rest of the world. Have Derech Eretz, and please be a mensch.
Chanukah Sameach!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
My Blog
After much contemplation on starting a blog, I decided to sign up to blogger.com. Then came the challenge of naming the blog. What is a theme that is central to who I am, central to Judaism, and central to making one a better, and more focused human being? Gratitude. Thus my blog was born. I hope that my ideas and thoughts can bring value to you, the reader, and to me, so that I can express my thoughts. Thoughts can do nothing in your head but float around. Thoughts, when developed, turn into speech. And speech when developed, turn to action. I hope that you, the reader, will always have the courage to want to develop your speech,thoughts, and actions into greater things.
I have not yet decided if I will write on a specific theme. I think that rather I will write on whatever life brings my way. Please enjoy the ride.
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.
Melody Beattie"
I have not yet decided if I will write on a specific theme. I think that rather I will write on whatever life brings my way. Please enjoy the ride.
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.
Melody Beattie"
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